Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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