Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
