Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
