I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
