Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
