So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
