Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
