WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dicks are not precious.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
