I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
