I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
