My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Randomize
