Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
