My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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