Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
