Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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