So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
