We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
