Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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