I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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