Will you blow on my dice?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
