his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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