you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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