I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
