Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
