My underwear smells like fireworks.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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