When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
