i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
