honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm at about main and main street
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
