One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
