Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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