Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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