A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
