I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
