2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
