Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
