Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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