Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
