It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
