i think my tv is drunk
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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