ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We left the knife in your bed.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
