Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
smell my finger.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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