Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just high enough for therapy.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
