y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
