TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
