Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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