Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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