What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
