I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
