I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
