even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
