guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
