nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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